No Shitting in the Toilet FC

Helen Hobbs is a self-confessed bargain hunter. She once spent almost three hours harassing Moroccan market holders over leather slippers for her nieces and nephews to squeeze just a few more Dirham out of them. It wasn’t until a guy in Stone Town, Zanzibar pulled a knife out that she reconsidered her haggling methodology.

From the backwaters of North Queensland, Australia, Helen and her husband Lucas sold their newly built house back in 2004 to fund their trip to the UK to earn those precious pounds and fulfil their travel desires. In 2006 Helen and Lucas stepped foot on 6 out of the worlds 7 continents, from New Years Eve in the Red Square in Moscow to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro, the depths of South America, the deserts of Northern Africa and the Middle East, three months in a Renault station wagon cruising around Spain sleeping in a tent and a dabble in the American south east where deep fried chicken is a way of life. With more highlights than you can poke a stick at the story of the year was when Lucas was robbed and shot in Buenos Aires. Thankfully, times are tough there and gunpowder is a scarce commodity so the bullet simply entered his calf and went nowhere else. He went on to walk the Inca Trail 2 weeks later.

Helen is a qualified accountant with half an MBA under her belt. She is now back home in Townsville, Australia with her family and friends, back in the industry that likes dealing with other people’s money. She spends her time between jobs as a virtual traveller on the internet dreaming of the next big adventure. If only someone else would pay for it.

Find more about Helen’s adventures here >>

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What is haggling?
Haggling is a way of getting the most for your money and playing stupid games with stall holders trying to act like you are more broke then they are and for both parties to engage in an animated sequence of hand waving, thoughtful consideration and plain desperation. The by-product of haggling is that you have (hopefully) scored yourself a cool souvenir that you can brag to your mates only cost you 20 cents and the guy you bought it off might just be able to dish up an extra scoop of rice for his wife and 12 kids.How do I haggle?
The key to a successful haggle is to know what you want and what you want to pay for it. Do your research. Ask fellow travellers what they paid for their Mexican throw rug or Inca Cola T-shirt. This information will come in handy as leverage once you have engaged the vendor and he doesn’t want to budge on his price. A quick tip is to tell the guy your mate only paid 5 Kenyan Schillings for it yesterday.

What if I don’t really want to buy anything?
Do not under any circumstances make eye contact with vendors. In some countries it can be quite stressful when you have fifty women throwing bracelets at you or men saying “I give you good price, lady”. It’s important to remain aloof and unwavering in your determination to cross the market arena without parting with a few dirhams for a spinning top that you could have got around the corner for half the price.

Ok, I know I want a Turkish smoking pipe, how do I begin the haggle?

You should by now have established what you know you can get it for. Find the one you really want and approach the stall holder. Engage him with a well rehearsed native greeting and inquire about the price of a really expensive looking water-pipe (not the one you want). He will immediately think this is the one you are interested in and set the price high. Ask him why this one is so expensive and he will most likely explain that it took 5 men 30 days to hand carve the body of the water-pipe and that the pipe is made from the tender groin leather of an iguana. When you make it clear that this one is obviously out of your price range, turn now to the water-pipe of your desire and slump your shoulders so that he thinks you are willing to settle for something less. You now have the ammunition on his pricing structure so use it to your advantage.

Should I accept his first price?

No, never! The usual rule of thumb is to counter-offer a third of this price. For example, the vendor says 120 Lire, you then offer 40 Lire. The reply will be a smile and a chuckle and a comment that you cannot be serious followed by a statement of quality and a wave of the hand. He will most likely now drop to 100 Lire. You counter-offer again for 50 Lire. This goes on until you get the pipe for 60 Lire. That’s half price and you shake hands while he wraps it in newspaper and his offsider offers you a cup of tea.

What other techniques can I use?

My husband and I often use the good cop/bad cop routine. I play the air-headed wife who really, really wants the pretty scarab beetle pendant with lapis lazuli in it and he stands back with his arms folded shaking his head saying we cannot afford it, we still have more places to go and we could get it cheaper elsewhere. The aim is to win the heart of the stall holder and let his heart out rule his head and he begins to feel sorry for me because I have such a stubborn husband. As we walk off with me frowning, more often than not I get a tap on the shoulder and my very cute little vendor offers me the scarab beetle for the price I want. This technique can of course work in reverse.

Another technique is the loaded wallet. If you know you want to pay 20 pesos for your ornamental Mayan carving, put only 20 pesos in your wallet. Keep the rest in your pocket or with your partner. When the vendor pulls the whole “but you a rich tourist” display, you open your wallet and show him that you really only have 20 pesos. Also plead that you still need to buy lunch and you are willing to go without food if he sells you the statue for 20 pesos, more often than not, he’ll take the money and run.

When is the best time to go to the markets and begin to haggle?

From my experience, late night market shopping is much less successful than early morning jaunts. If the stall owner has reached his break-even point for the day, any sales over and above that is simply a bonus. He will most likely be not too concerned with making the extra effort to haggle. First thing in the morning everyone is fresh and keen to get the first sale, so the haggling is on.

How can I make sure that the things I buy at markets are good quality?

Nothing you buy at a market is going to be good quality. As the old saying goes, its about the journey, not the destination.

TOP 10 PLACES TO HAGGLE

10. Forodhani Seafood Market, Zanzibar, Tanzania

If you love seafood and you love haggling, it doesn’t get any better than this. When the sun sets in Zanzibar, the gas lanterns fire up and the Forodhani gardens come to life with locals cooking seafood which is (apparently) straight of the Dhow. Make sure you have a strong stomach as the food is left out on tables and re-cooked after you order it. You can bargain over the price and play one guy off another. Just don’t come back in the morning and see where you ate from.

9. El Rastro, Madrid, Spain

El Rastro is the old flea market in Madrid held every Sunday. The worst part is that it’s along a street that goes down a hill so if you start at the top it’s a tough slog back up with your hands full. Plenty of leather goods and the opportunity for a good haggle still exist. Helps to know Spanish though, you can command a lot more respect and you won’t get them offside the minute you open your mouth.

8. Plaza Dorrego Antique Markets, San Telmo, Buenos Aires, Argentina

Perhaps nice for a stroll and a glimpse at old has-been tango dancers more than the shopping. If you are travelling with a backpack, most the stuff (apart from the jewellery and cutlery) is a little large to lug around. The old gramophones are fantastic and again, a little Spanish goes a long way if there is something you are keen on. A little nous on antiques is useful if you are keen to score a bargain.

7. Meat and Spice Market, Downtown Nairobi, Kenya

Whatever you do, do not try to take photos or videotape this place. Would have loved to have stuck around but after my husband took the lens cap of the video recorder, a blood stained machete (the tool of choice for a Kenyan butcher) was waved at us with what I am sure were Swahili swears words. The chickens tied together with weights on their feet didn’t look funny anymore and we high-tailed it back to the taxi and spent the rest of our time in the hotel. No chance for a haggle here.

6. Witches Market, La Paz, Bolivia

Unless you really want it, haggling for a dried Llama foetus didn’t really appeal to me. The Witches Market is all about well, witchcraft and is full of talismans and smelly things that you put together to make a wish I suppose or more likely cast a spell. There are plenty of other handicrafts to haggle over like woven guitar cases and all the other things they make out of their brightly coloured fabrics, but these guys know the tourists come to the witches market so they are tough work to try and haggle with. Head to the back streets around the corners and find the ones with the lights turned off – this usually is a sign of desperation.

5. Khan el-Khalili Markets, Cairo, Egypt

If you survive the traffic to arrive at the Khan el-Khalili Markets you won’t be disappointed. There’s stall after stall of people selling brassware’s, including the hubbly bubbly pipes, jewellery, papyrus prints (not the best quality) and woven head scarfs. It’s easy in Egypt to lose touch with reality and forget just how cheap it is. When you start arguing over a couple of Egyptian Pounds, just remember how devalued their currency is. The hardest thing about haggling in Egypt is that the people are so nice and you can’t help but have a soft spot for them. The market is enormous so make sure you have clear ideas of what you want.

4. El Zocalo , Mexico City, Mexico

A rat race of a market, but very colourful. The Mexicans are easily tricked when it comes to haggling, so don’t be shy. Again, easy to forget how cheap things really are, so don’t lose sight of that. A trip to Mexico would not be complete without a haggle over an ornamental sombrero or three.

3. Patpong Road, Bangkok, Thailand

If only to here the sound of a Thai yelling “ping pong banana show”, make sure you visit Patpong Road. The markets run right along it and as can be expected in a large tourist-in-transit hub, there are plenty of trashy souvenirs. The beauty of the Thai people is that they are all blessed with a calculator and you conduct all bids through this mechanism. They type in their price, and then you type in yours. Don’t forget to duck into a bar for one of the shows to celebrate you haggling success.

2. The Grand Bazaar, Istanbul, Turkey
This is the one place you definitely need to take a hard line and turn your back and walk away if you aren’t getting the price you want. The Turks are determined salesman. They will always close a deal. It begins with a handshake, an offering of tea and then a subtle exchange. Things can escalate quickly, so stand your ground. Both parties to the haggle will end up in a sweat with adrenalin pumping. Definitely a memorable haggling experience. Be sure to factor in a days rest to recover.

1. Souks of Djemaa el-Fna, Marrakesh, Morocco

A haggler’s paradise. Endless souks (the Muslim term for markets) full to the brim with leather goods, brass ware, glass lanterns, woodwork and ceramics. The Moroccans are slightly more subdued than the Turks with their haggling skills, but some can be very tough to deal with. Definitely more active first thing in the morning and by the end of the day it’s not worth the effort. The days are long and hot and everyone can get pretty frazzled. Make sure you have an extra duffle bag as you will end up with 5 cows worth of leather goods and a tea set for all your mates.